


Thanks to

by eijiphoria



Series: Love me, Never Leave me [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eijiphoria/pseuds/eijiphoria
Summary: Eiji has a fever and wakes up in the middle of the night after a bad dream and notices that Ash isn't in bed next to him. In his fever-induced stupor, he searches the all over their apartment, only to find that Ash isn't there. Where could he be?
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: Love me, Never Leave me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2070594
Comments: 10
Kudos: 152





	1. I Need Somebody

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from Thanks to, a song by the Korean band Day6's subunit Day6 (Even of Day)! Here's a link to the song with the lyrics: https://youtu.be/63sA318VvJU  
> I'd like to to think that the song is everything Ash has to say to Eiji :) This is also inspired by the Angel Eyes illustration book that I bought for myself... please look at some scans if you haven't already.
> 
> The title of this first chapter is also taken from another Day6 song titled "누군가 필요해 (I Need Somebody)."

Eiji wakes up in a cold sweat, his head throbbing accompanied by an unpleasant, scratchy feeling in his throat. He can’t remember the specifics of his dream, but he can’t ignore the lingering feelings of grief and dread that weigh down on him. His fever doesn’t make it any better.

He looks at the time: it’s only 2 in the morning. Slivers of moonlight shine through the curtains, illuminating the floors of the bedroom.

“Ash,” he groans, as he reaches out for his boyfriend, “I feel terrib–“ he stops talking when his hand falls onto a cold, empty space on the bed. Eiji panics before he realizes that he could be in the bathroom. He musters up as much strength as he can and drags himself out of bed, stumbling out of the room and into the bathroom next door. He winces as soon as he flips the light switch, the blinding light seemingly worsening his head-splitting headache. But worst of all, Ash isn’t in there. 

Perhaps it’s fever-induced hysteria, but he feels tinges of panic begin to flare up, reminded of the lingering pieces of his dream. Eiji wipes the sweat off his forehead and wanders into the kitchen and living room, ignoring the cries and complaints of his aching body. Due to his fever, Ash had forced him to bed around 10, tucking him in with a light, feathery kiss to his forehead. It wasn’t long before he had knocked out, mumbling something to Ash before he succumbed to slumber. 

Where could he be in this cardboard box of an apartment? 

He looks around the kitchen, hoping to see a messy-haired Ash standing there, simply grabbing a cup of water. He would lightly scold Eiji for getting out of bed, Eiji would go back to sleep, and it would be over with. But the kitchen is empty, save for the bowls in the sink and the photos of them that adorn the fridge. Ash had made them chicken soup for dinner, ignoring Eiji’s complaints for doing so. Eiji allows himself a few minutes to think back to the hours-old memory.

“We have perfectly good takeout leftovers in the fridge!” Eiji had whined, peeking over Ash’s shoulders. “Besides, you don’t even like chicken soup that much.”

“If you’re still sick by the time your mom arrives next week, who’s going to get an earful from her about not taking good care of you? You already know she has a grudge against me. I’m the man who whisked her beloved son from sunny L.A. to dangerous, dreary New York City,” Ash had replied, turning away from the stove to look at him. Hints of a small smile peaked out of the corners of his mouth.

“You’re being dramatic. You know she loves you! Anyway, why are you making so much? I’m the only sick one here. You don’t need any.”

Ash cleared his throat and turned back around, but not before Eiji noticed his reddening cheeks. “I’d feel bad if I ate the leftovers while all you had was this soup, so I’m making some for myself too. Now stay away before you get me sick.” 

Eiji snaps back into reality and stumbles into the bedroom. He grabs his phone and attempts to call Ash. He hears a phone vibrate, and turns to see Ash’s phone vibrating on the nightstand. The words “Eiji Okumura” and a picture of the two of them light up the screen. 

Eiji fumbles with his phone in his hands and heads into the living room, pacing back and forth across the cold floors as he calls Shorter. The phone rings a few times before going to voicemail. Eiji tries again, only to get the same result. The panic begins to flare up again, before Shorter’s name flashes across his screen a few seconds later. He accepts the call immediately and brings the phone up to his ear.

“Eiji? What is it? It’s two in the morning,” Shorter croaks out, obviously woken up by the sudden phone calls.

“It’s Ash. I can’t find him. I woke up and he’s gone.”

“Did you look all over? Are you sure he’s not there?” Shorter sounds confused and slightly exasperated. 

“What do you think?” Eiji snaps, before immediately feeling guilty. He is the one who woke Shorter up in the middle of the night, after all. “I did. I even called him, but his phone is still here. I don’t know what happened to him.”

“What do you think could have happened? You make it sound like he’s in danger or something,” Shorter replies. “He teaches kids martial arts on the side. Sure, he’s got a temper, but he’s not in a gang or anything.”

“I know,” Eiji sighs, pacing across the apartment yet again. “But I just–I had a weird dream. I think something happened to Ash in it. I woke up with this heavy feeling of dread.” 

Shorter is silent for a few moments before he speaks again. “Do you want me to come over and sit with you until Ash shows up again? If you’re really that worried, I don’t mind.”

“No, no it’s fine,” Eiji replies, biting his lips as he looks at the clock. It’s 2:20. “I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. I’m overthinking things. For all I know, he could’ve just taken out the trash.” He tries to laugh, but it ends up sounding forced and empty. 

“Are you sure?” Shorter sounds hesitant. “You know I really don’t mind, right? I’d do anything for you and Ash.”

“I promise. I feel bad. Just… just go back to sleep and I’ll let you know when Ash gets back. Goodnight, Shorter.”

Eiji hangs up and flops onto the couch, wincing when his phone clatters to the ground. His body aches, he’s covered in sweat, and yet all he can think about is Ash. He tries to inhale and exhale to calm himself down, to no avail. The panic and dread begin to rise up once again, and Eiji can do nothing to stop it. Numerous questions plague his mind.

Where is he? Where did he go? He wouldn’t just leave like that, right? Without so much as a goodbye?

Right? 

The front door opens and Eiji looks up, unable to process the relief that floods his system. Ash stands in the doorway, startled to see Eiji there on the couch. A few beats pass before the both speak.

“I love you,” Ash says.

“You asshole,” Eiji squeaks out at the same time, standing up. His legs immediately give out on him. Ash rushes to his side, and Eiji can’t even begin to process the emotions flowing through him.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Ash asks, brushing Eiji’s hair off his forehead. “You’re burning up. Why did you get out of bed?” 

“I thought you left. I looked all over for you. And you left your phone here,” Eiji whispers, reaching out to touch Ash’s cheek. “I thought you left,” he repeats.

Ash smiles softly. “I was up on the rooftop. I was…” he pauses, as if unsure what to say next. “I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Do you remember what you said before you fell asleep?” he asks, his green eyes suddenly guarded, unreadable.  
Eiji frowns, trying to remember what he said. All he can remember is mumbling something and watching Ash’s eyes widen as his own fluttered shut. “I can’t remember,” he finally replies as he pouts. “Was it bad?”

Ash kisses his forehead and smiles again. “No, it wasn’t. We’ll talk tomorrow morning, okay? You need to rest. You’re burning up. Let’s get you back to bed.”

Ash scoops Eiji into his arms and takes him back to the bedroom. When he attempts to cover him with the blanket, Eiji shakes his head, simply stretching out to pat Ash’s side of the bed. Once Ash slides into bed, Eiji immediately rolls towards him, and pulls Ash’s arm over his body, his back against Ash’s stomach. 

“Eiji, you’re a furnace,” Ash groans, trying to push him off.

“I’m cold,” Eiji whines, tightening his hold on Ash’s arm. “And I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I won’t leave, okay? I’ll be right here.” 

“Promise?” Eiji’s voice reveals a vulnerability unbeknownst even to him.

“Promise.” 

Eiji’s eyes close as the comfort of Ash’s breathing and presence lull him to sleep.

Eiji dreams of a letter spotted with blood and the words “ _My soul is always with you_.”


	2. Beautiful Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Eiji talk about the events from earlier that morning. Confessions and realizations are made.

The next morning, Eiji wakes up feeling better than he had felt over the past few days. He realizes his head is on Ash’s chest, feeling it rise up and down as he breathes. 

“Good morning,” he says, lifting his head. “What time is it?”

“Good morning,” Ash replies, running his fingers through Eiji’s hair, “it’s 10. How are you feeling?”

“Much better than before. I think my fever broke.”

Ash hums in acknowledgement, but says nothing else. They lie in silence, sounds from the street streaming in through the open window. Eiji thinks back to the conversation they had earlier.

“What were you talking about earlier? What did I say to you?” he asks suddenly as he sits up, looking Ash directly in the eyes.

Ash stares back at him before his eyes begin to dart around the room, unable to return the gaze. “You really don’t remember?”

Eiji shakes his head.

“You told me you loved me.” Ash looks at him now, gaze unwavering.

“Is that it?” Eiji asks, raising an eyebrow.

Ash sputters as his face turns red. “What do you mean by that?”

“I thought it was established that we love each other. We’ve been together for a little over a year, haven’t we? And we moved in together 6 months ago.”

“But we’ve never–you know…” Ash trails off as he scratches the back of his neck. His eyes dart around the room, unable to look Eiji in the eye once again. 

“We’ve had sex before, you know,” Eiji deadpans.

“Not that!” Ash exclaims, his face turning a darker shade of red. “You don’t think I know that already? It’s just–before last night, we’ve never directly said that we loved each other.”

_Oh._

Eiji quickly reflects over the past year and realizes that his boyfriend is in fact right. It was obvious that they loved each other, but they had never actually said the words out loud to one another. It had always gone unsaid, hiding behind _“See you soon,” “Good night, dream of me,”_ or even _“What do you want for dinner tonight? I’ll let you choose.”_

“I guess... I guess you’re right,” Eiji responds quietly, fiddling with his thumbs. “I can’t help but feel bad, though.”

“Why?”

“I just wish I had said it at a time that I’d actually be able to remember, you know? Not just some offhand comment I made before I fell asleep.”

Ash hums and takes Eiji’s hands into his. “For what it’s worth, that’s not all you said. There’s more to it. You told me that you wanted to take me to Japan one day to meet your grandparents. And that you’d teach me Japanese. And that–” Ash pauses, as if hesitant to continue. 

“What? What did I say?” Eiji presses.

“You said that I’d never be alone. Because your soul is always with me.”

It feels as though time stops. The bits and pieces of his dreams come back and fit together: the feelings of dread and grief, the letter spotted with blood. The words, “My soul is always with you.” 

“I said that?” he asks slowly.

“Yes,” Ash says, growing concerned as he notices Eiji’s change in demeanor, “Is something wrong?”

“It’s just… I dreamt of a letter with blood on it. And those exact words were written at the bottom–my soul is always with you,” he responds. “And before that, when I woke up at 2, I had a dream that made me feel heavy with grief and dread. I can’t remember the details, but I think something happened to you. I don’t know.”

Ash remains silent, seemingly unsure what to say next. In lieu of a response, he presses his forehead to Eiji’s, both hands cupping the latter’s face. Words aren’t needed for Eiji to understand what he’s saying.

_I’ll never leave you. I’ll stay by your side for the rest of our lives, okay? Even if it kills me to do so. My soul is always with you. Your soul is always with me._

“I love you,” Eiji says, filling the silence. “I love you. Even if you were to leave, I’d be waiting for you, forever. So let me stay by your side, if you don’t mind.”

Ash pulls back and takes a deep breath before he speaks. “In this universe or the next, I think I’d go crazy if I lost you. You’re the most precious person in the world to me. You know that, right? Knowing that you’re here, loving and caring for me, it’s the happiest feeling in the world. So don’t leave me, okay? I’ll be by your side forever.”

As Eiji feels love swell in his chest, he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Ash reaches a hand out, the pads of his fingertips brushing the tears away. To give love to and be loved by none other than Ash is a blessing in and of itself, Eiji thinks. 

As they sit there on the bed amidst the noise from the streets, the sunlight shining through the curtains that flow with the wind, Eiji feels as though they are the only two people in the world. Their souls waltz through the expanse of the endless universe; a waltz that would never end as long as they stood by each other’s side. And even if they were to be separated, their souls would simply continue to dance alone across the dark, starry sky, waiting to find each other once again. 

“I’d kiss you right now if you weren’t sick,” Ash teases, smiling as he caresses Eiji’s cheeks. “Guess that’ll have to wait for later, don’t you think?”

Eiji rolls his eyes and moves in for a kiss, grinning once he realizes Ash would oblige anyway. 

That is, until the front door opens, accompanied by footsteps and a familiar voice. They jump back, as if caught doing something forbidden. 

“Ash? Eiji? Are you guys there?” Shorter calls out. “I’m just making sure you two are still alive! Eiji seemed pretty worried earlier.”

Ash raises an eyebrow, to which Eiji can only blush and offer an embarrassed smile in response. 

“We’re here!” Ash shouts, refusing to leave the bed. “We were actually about to have sex, so I think it’d be best if you left.”

“Ah shit, I don’t wanna hear that,” a second voice whines. “Shorter, let’s just go before I’m traumatized any further. I already have to see Ash at the martial arts center in a few days, and I don’t think I’ll be able to even look him in the eye.”

They hear Shorter snort before he says, “Yeah, yeah, I get it. So sorry for wanting to ensure you were safe! And for the record, I know that Eiji’s sick, so you’re not fooling anyone. As for Sing, I’ll send you the invoice from his therapy sessions. See you two lovebirds later!” 

Once the front door closes, Ash groans, falling back onto his pillow as he drags his hands across his face. “Out of all the days, why’d he have to bring Sing along? I can’t go around mentally scarring my students like this. Also, remind me to take back Shorter’s key.”

Eiji giggles and gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Not my fault you chose to say that. You could have responded normally, but you didn’t. Seems like you’ll just have to deal with the consequences.”

“But were you really that worried about me? You even called Shorter?” 

Eiji nods. “The dream made me feel uneasy, and I think the fever blinded my judgement. I know it was a little foolish of me to even think you had left, but–”

Ash interrupts him with a quick peck to the lips and pulls back, scratching his neck. “I was the foolish one. I don’t know why, but everything you said earlier threw me in for a loop. I just had to go up to the rooftop to process it all. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up, especially when I knew you weren’t feeling well.” He’s blushing again, embarrassed at having revealed so much of what had been going on in his mind. 

Eiji lies back down, pulling Ash with him. They lie there, staring into each other’s eyes.

They aren’t perfect. Their lives aren’t perfect. They fight, like any other couple out there. They have flaws that only become more blatant as a result of living together. Between balancing their work and personal lives, they are more often than not stretched for time. But on leisurely mornings like this, Eiji is reminded of the love they share, the life they want to live together. No matter how hard things got, Eiji would never leave his side. 

“I love you,” Ash whispers, as if the words were a sacred secret hidden from the rest of the world. “I love you, Eiji Okumura. I’ll never leave you.”

“Never?”

“Never,” Ash affirms. 

Eiji silently muses over the letter spotted with blood. It was simply a dream, he decides as he stares back at Ash, who is right in front of him. Ash, who sacrificed so much just to be by his side. Ash, who would never leave him. 

To be in love is a terrifying and thrilling feeling. To know that there is someone that you can love with everything you have in you and more. To know that you’d do anything for them, even if it meant going to the ends of the Earth to save them or taking a bullet to the head. To know that your soul is intertwined with theirs. To know that you would never be the same again. 

_Ash, I’ll stay by your side forever. My soul is always with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading! Again, I have plans to make this into a non-linear series, so stick around for that if you'd like!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am thinking of making this a non-linear series, so please let me know if you'd like to see that! Happy holidays and let's make it through this last week of 2020! If you want to see me cry about Banana Fish from time to time, my twt is @ilukibum ^__^


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